Dear Suzie, i’m 15 years old and good friends with a guy I’ve always fancied slightly. He’s going out with a friend of mine and he has been known to get quite touchy feely when he’s drunk. Recently me and him were at an alcoholic party that she wasn’t at. He kissed me and after a big talk that night in which he said he’d fancied me for ages but only never asked me out because he thought i’d say no. Later i fell asleep next to him and woke up to him feeling me up as i slept but i moved to another bed. The next morning he didnt remember anything, but when i told him he said everything he said to me was true. Since then we’ve texted eachother so many times (its half term – we havent seen eachother). We text about the night and i help him out when he’s worried about his relationship with her and when he’s down (he feels depressed a lot) and i’m always there for him. He’s said that he would love to go out with me but i’ve pursuaded him to stick with her, they love eachother and i know it would wreck them both if they split up. The only problem is they’ve started arguing. I know if they do split up i will be the one with them crying on my shoulders. If he asked me out i wouldnt be able to say yes anyway because i would be betraying her! I keep thinking about the kiss, it was my first and i like him a lot. He doesnt know it was my first. I’m really confused, please help me sort things out.
First kisses can be confusing, and sad and bad, as well as amazing. You like him and I’m sure he’s a nice, kind young man but the problem is even nice people can do unkind things, especially when they are young. Feeling you up when you were asleep wasn’t a good thing to do – it was taking advantage and I’m not impressed with him whatever he swore he felt about you. Being touchy feely is nice – being hands everywhere whether you like it or not isn’t!
If you don’t want to upset your friend, I’d say you have to put this guy off limits at the moment, and keep the memory of that first kiss as a treasure you don’t share, except perhaps with your Mum. You may find this an amazing thought but Mums have been there too and be surprisingly helpful, reassuring and supportive when it’s the first kiss you’re worrying about.
Stop with the texts, cos they’re going to lead you into wanting to repeat the exercise, and if he and she are still seeing each other, she’s going to blame you if they split up, and so may he.
The fact of the matter is that young love seldom lasts; they aren’t going to be an item for life – or even for the next whole term! My advice if you would like to go out with him is to wait and see, and give it a decent interval after they break before seeing him as anything more than a mate.
But I might also say this; because boy/girl relationships don’t last when you are at school, you might like to consider whether it would be best to keep both of them as friends instead of letting the knotty issue of sex and love get in the way. Boyfriends can be two a penny; good mates are few and far between! Good luck!