Dear Suzie,
Me & My boyfriend [Of 4 years] have decided to start trying for a child in July. I will come off the pill and we will just have sex as usual and hope to become pregnant.
I am worrying that when we are trying to get pregnant I won’t be able to get pregnant [I worry alot!].
My tutor who is infertille said that he ‘always had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to concieve children’ can my worrying mean the same as this. I’ve always worried that I might not be able to have children because I want a child so much, I have ever since I was young.
It’s just I don’t want to start trying and then be disappointed :(.
I’d say that just about every single mother and father to be worries to some extent whether they will be able to conceive. It’s the same with flying – every single person who flies has some thoughts about crashing. That’s why every there is an accident survivors swear they had premonitions – or when someone misses a flight and it crashes they swear they knew! No they don’t; it’s just that you’re wise or prescient after the event! For every person who is sadly infertile and “always knew” there are hundreds, nay thousands who “knew” they wouldn’t be able to have a baby and forgot that when baby came along. So no, just because you’re worrying doesn’t mean you’ll have a problem.
What this does mean is that because you want it so bad you will find it hard to be patient and let nature take its course. Here’s an interesting fact. It can take a normally fertile couple having regular unprotected sex up to 18 months to conceive. A year and a half and there’s nothing wrong. Nothing. Really.
If you want to maximise your chances, try these tips.
- Both of you MUST give up smoking. Must – no excuses. It’s an important reason for difficulties in conceiving and of course your smoking as a Dad or Mum is really dangerous for your baby when he or she arrives. So stop now.
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- Improve your diet – lots of fresh fruit and veg and salad, less red meat, a correct balance of protein and carbs, less sugar and salt. Pop into your doctor’s surgery for advice on healthy eating. Remember, being overweight or underweight can contribute to difficulties in conceiving. NO JUNK FOOD!!!
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- Watch your drinking – make sure both of you are only having a moderate amount and remember you want to stop entirely when you are pregnant.
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- Do some regular exercise – go walking, running, cycling, join a gym.
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- See your doctor to check immunisations and any medication you or your boyfriend may be on. If you don’t get on with your GP, now’s the time to find one you like.
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- If you’re stressed or unhappy, ask for help now. Stress can add to difficulties in conceiving.
It’s often advised to finish a packet and then use protection such as condoms for a month until you have another period before abandoning contraception altogether. This isn’t because the hormones in the pill linger – they don’t. It’s so you can be absolutely sure of the date of your last period so when you do fall pregnant your doctor will know the dates accurately.
Then…don’t try! I know that sounds odd, but go off the pill and just relax. Have sex when you want, s you want and think of it as showing your love, not as baby making. Trying frantically to start a pregnancy only contribute to stress, and that can be a problem. If – IF – after 18 months (or a year if you’re over 30) nothing has happened, see your GP. But give it that time before you worry as it’s perfectly normal for pregnancy to take its time to begin. Good luck!
