Dear Suzie,
I seperated from my wife last year and have 2 children, a daughter of 18 and a son of 16. I always had a difficult rapport with my daughter and since the break up my relationship with my daughter has deteriorated drastically. Whenever, I have tried talking to her we end up arguing. I feel that we would benefit from joint counselling and would be grateful if you yourself are avialable or if you could suggest somebody in the west london area. Thank you. Please help!
It’s a tough situation for both of you to be in and you may have to have plenty of patience and need to work very hard to make that link with her and help her get over what may be years of anger, disappointment and distrust. You’ve made the first step and I do hope you and your daughter can achieve some closeness soon.
Since I don’t live in London I’m going to have to pass you on to someone else but that’s not a problem. If you contact a therapist with the proper recognised qualifications who does have experience of separated family issues you will find the help you seek.
I hope your daughter does see your offer of joint counselling as a step forward. If her anger at present is so much that she rejects it, go on your own anyway. Often, I find myself helping a couple or a whole family even though I only interact with one member. The changes that person makes and the shifts in understanding they achieve translate back to affect not only their feelings and behaviour but the feelings and behaviour of everyone with whom they are in contact and conflict.
I suggest you contact Relate, who offer help to families during and after breakdown and to parents and children. Go to Relate and click on the ‘family life’ tab to find your nearest centre.
If there isn’t one near you, go to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy site at British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy If you click on ‘find a therapist’ and enter your post code they can suggest a counsellor in your area, and you can look through each listing to find one with the relevant experience. Good luck!