Dear Suzie,
i think i am suffering depression. I have been feeling like it for sometime now, but it comes and goes, just this time it seems thats it’s not going away. i have a lot of things on my mind, but i dont help myself as i find it hard to speak to people about how i am feeling. so i bottle it up.
I am feeling so low and sad and very tearful, and i think what is the point of life. my mum has started noticing the way i have been.
also my mum has met someone, where she works, they just text each other. but i hate the thought that it will end in tears.as everyone seems to leave. i think the depression i have got is what i have been through, now it’s all coming back. i dont no whether i can cope anymore. i have aways had to be strong but now i feel so weak, helpless. but sometimes i just wish i had someone to talk to. my mum is their for me all the time, but i dont want to worry her, about things that i am thinking, so i dont talk to her.
what can i do??
You say “everyone seems to leave” and talk about your Mum but no Dad, so it doesn’t take a genius to realise you’ve suffered the one loss that is so difficult to manage, that of a parent. I obviously don’t know whether he died or – actually worse – left but not having a father around can really make you feel awful.
I’m really sad to know this has happened to you. The dreadful thing is that losing a parent, however it happened, often leaves people feeling worthless, as if it was their fault, and lacking in confidence and as if nothing will ever go right again – as if it’s a pattern you caused and therefore deserve. On top of that, children and teenagers frequently feel they have to take over some of the caring role for their remaining parent and be strong for them.
So – a few reality checks for you, my dear. For a start, whatever happened, your father no longer being there isn’t your fault. In fact, it’s nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. And your Mum is the grown up here – she’s the one who should be looking after you, not the other way round.
Of course you’re depressed – it’s a depressing thing to have happened to you. But as long as you hide your feeling and ‘be strong’ you won’t get the understanding and help you so deserve. Whether your Mum’s new relationship will last or not, it’s up to her, not you, to manage it. And even if it doesn’t last it won’t be the end of the world. You feel it will because you think it will be a repeat of losing your Dad. But if you got some help for your depression you’d see you could manage that, too. It’s very sad but it certainly doesn’t mean everyone, always, will leave you.
Please, speak to her. She’d feel mortified and an awful Mum if she had to feel she had let you down, leaving you to manage this on your own. And ask her to go with you to get your GP to help. Not by prescribing any pills but in referring you to a counsellor, such as myself, who could listen to you and help you overcome these sad feelings. Good luck!
