Dear Suzie, I am very much a man, but recently went and had a back massage at a male masseur. Things heated up and well landed up having oral sex which was stunning…… know I really am confused.
Good sex can be good sex whoever it’s with. Your mind may make distinctions between the hand or mouth belonging to a member of the same or another sex but your body may not. And where did you get the idea that you had to be straight to be “very much a man”? The most macho men I know are all gay…
By saying you’re now confused I assume you mean that you defined yourself as straight and now wonder if you are gay. Well, the fact is you don’t have to be gay to enjoy having sex with a man. Plenty of people enjoy sex with members of the same sex under certain circumstances and at certain times without it meaning that this is their main gender orientation.
Personally, I think that while a percentage of people are totally, exclusively straight and a percentage are totally, exclusively gay quite a lot of people float around in the middle. You might mostly be straight with the capacity to fall for someone of the same sex, or mostly be gay with the capacity to fall for someone of the opposite sex. Or entirely straight and still enjoy sex with men. It’s not necessarily anything to get upset and worried about.
The problem comes when you can’t accept yourself and are in denial, because that can lead to danger behaviour. The first thing that tends to go overboard when people are in denial is safe sex. If you’re having sex with another man, even if you try to deny it’s happening, that denial won’t protect you from sexually transmitted infections. And don’t fall for the other myth – that having gay sex somehow isn’t being unfaithful to a straight partner. It is.
If you’re a free agent experiment all you want and enjoy it. But always, always use condoms and dental dams (a condom for the mouth) and be sensible. Employing Safe Sex techniques is really, really vital. If you have a partner, think twice. You might find it helps to chat this over with someone who understands. I’d suggest searching on Queery for a helpline in your area. They don’t recruit – they do understand, listen and support.